the conversation that bug me

in the new office, there's IT director who's obsessed to be a psychiatrist I supposed,
the IT boss always said that I have a flat emotion.
then, yesterday, I went for another client meeting with the IT boss, and my boss, meeting 14.30, we left the office at 11.30 for having a lunch first

then the conversation start again...
the IT boss : "eh, sekarang lagi flat yaaa emosinya"
me : "halah, ini lagiiii, iya sih, emang ga ada apa" yaaa gitu lha"
the IT boss : "lo kapan terakhir nangis?, pasti itungannya tahun ya?"
me : *hah! kali ini salah lo* "gak, mungkin setaon kurang"
the IT boss : "nangis kenapa? karena kesel? karena marah?"
me : "errr, karena terjadi pelecehan di bis, yaaa karena terlalu marah juga sih"
the IT boss:"sebelum itu kapan nangis?"
me : "gak inget, gwe kan bukan bayi, jadi wajar dong kalo jarang nangis"

the IT boss *kekeuh* : "kalo misal, seminggu lagi dunia kiamat, trus lo boleh ngelakuin apa aja, lo mo ngapain?"
me : "haaahh??? ngapain yaaa???"
the IT boss : *lol* "lo gak ada keinginan yaaa???"
my boss : "rifka, masa lo gak mo ngapain gituh? seminggu lagi kiamat"
me : *dalam hati : ngapain heboh, mo kiamat juga*
tapi gwe malah ngomong : "uhmmm kell eropa kali ya.."
my boss : "lhooo, kawin aja kaliiii, lo blom kawin gituh"
me : kalo tinggal seminggu, kayaknya gwe pilih kell eropa"

the IT boss popped another question : "kalo lo besok mati, sekarang boleh ngapain aja, lo mo ngapain?"
me : *hadoohh* "kalo jujur, paling gwe mo nya tidur, mo mati juga"
the IT boss : *lol* "kalo gwe besok mati, gwe mah mo makan es krim yang banyak, sambil ngebir, sambil nonton striptease"
the IT boss : "gillaaa yaaa lo gak punya keinginan bangett, kalo kata pendeta budha lo mo masuk nirwana"
me : *aga gak terima, masalahnya ada bos gwe juga disitu, takut berdampak*
"ada kok keinginan, tapi yaaa kalo besok mati,mo ngapain, nothing really matters juga, mo mati juga, why bother, gak kecapai juga gpp"
the IT boss : "waaa lo kayak superman, cuma kalo superman badan lo jiwa, jiwa lo kalo ditembak gak mempan, gak bakal sakit, soalnya lo gak ada keinginan"
me : "ohhh... ituuu, gwe emang gak pernah put too much expectation to anything apalagi to anyone, makanya kalo dikecewain pun gwe gak marah, abis mikir yaaa sudah lah, emang normal kok orang begitu, tapi bukan berarti gwe gak punya keinginan ya bos"
the IT boss : "huaahahhahaha kyak sufi lo, lo suka ice cream kan? yoo kita es krim"
me : "I dont find it as compliment bos, tapi hayoo kalo makan es krim"

I started to think...
is it so wrong for not having any too much expectation?
it's just my defense mechanism...
is it so wrong for not wanting too much on sumthing, when you know you'll die anyway tomorrow, I just think, why bother?
Even if I'm not angry when being disappointed, I have another defense mechanism, just leave it!
I'm lucky to have a choice to leave something I don't like, because I know some people don't

argghhh....
I feel really bothered for being accused not having any dream... or "keinginan" they might said